a letter to the weather

alaskan winds,

what the hell, man? seriously? why, during my first week of bike ownership in this city, do you find it necessary to continue to rear your ugly mug on every street corner?

i almost rolled backwards today.

i mean, really?

seriously?

yeeeesh.

i know i sound a bit selfish, thinking that the world should stop for me and my newly purchased bicycle, but wasn't it 93 degrees just last week? where the hell were you last week, huh? back in alaska? did you go on vacation, maybe? perhaps you can swing the number of the hotel you stayed in my way...perhaps i can get a few other pissed off san franciscans together to pony up some money for an extended vacation at said hotel room. perhaps i get some government officials to make sure that said hotel room stays locked from the outside in and you can't get out for a long time... say, o i don't know, until september?

not to sound selfish...again... but i would really appreciate having a summer in the city without having to deal with the windblown look in a sweater and gloves.

and don't think that you're all "high and mighty" because i'm complaining about you, alaskan winds. no no no... i came from a place called new jersey. we had actual seasons. you know, periods of weather that never overstayed their welcome. trust me, when we had winds and cold weather, we had WINDS AND COLD WEATHER. snow, even.

you think you could handle that, alaskan winds? a little snow, maybe? traveling all the way down to california with your tired, split second gusts to ruin everybody's good time with some snowy weather?

huh?

what's that?

you don't have enough power?

is that what this is all about? a freakin' inferiority complex?

huh? yeah? tough guy?

i'm sorry, but someone who tries to compensate for a lack of decent seasonal weather and makes up for it by attempting to spoil my outside life year round does not deserve my friendship or respect.

... and i'm not alone on this matter, either, alaskan winds. you aren't welcome here...and that's hard to say in a city that tries to pride itself on matters of diversity. bugger off. go mess with japan, i hear they called you fat.

i have to go moisturize.

there's no love or loyalty in this one.